The 3am addiction
by Madame Vodka
Summary: Reid's thoughts in the dead of the night.


3 a.m addiction

Reid despised nights now, for so many reasons. It was the lonely three a.m, the time where there was absolute silence, reminding him just how alone he was. At three a.m his stomach boiled, his blood burnt, his body craved, craved drugs. He felt like his insides were literally tearing themselves apart through cravings.

At 3.09 a.m his brain decided that now would be a good time to recall every victim, their screams of pain, anger and frustration. To recall all the little details you find out about your victims, recalling their families, their houses, their clothes, their eyes seem to stare at him from the celling. Judging him, taunting him. At 3.10 a.m you can not call them, can not apologise for failing them, for not saving them sooner, can only apologise to the dead, to whom it means so little. It was a case of move on, keep moving on, move along folks nothing to see here. Move along.

Sometimes you can't move on. You can't move forward or back, the stuck chess piece craving oblivion, waiting for someone else to move you.

At 3.14 a.m Reid remembers Gideon. In his mind Gideon has become parallel with his father, they were both an important part of his life, people he trusted, people he loved but then just left, with a small shattering goodbye. No more contact just didn't need him any more.

But I need you, Spencer wanted to scream. I need you.

At 3.20 a.m Reid accepts that neither of them will ever come back.

At 3.22 a.m Reid thinks of the empty vial, a weight under his pillow and on his brain. How hard would it be to get a refill? Being too nervous approach dealers, knowing his very manners indite him as not to be trusted. Reid can't help the fact his body craves a solution, a pollution, absolution. The desire, the addiction, the need, the craving are all so overpowering at 3.25 a.m

At 3.30 a.m Reid wonders how much more he can take.

At 3.33 a.m Reid reminds himself that of his promise not to let the team down again, not to fail. He does debate whether he should call Hotch or Morgan, knowing both would understand, but that would mean admitting he was falling, admitting he was weak. At 3.34 a.m they are probably asleep anyway.

At 3.40 a.m Reid just wished for someone to be there with him, anyone. When Reid was at university, three am was reserved for studying courses he wasn't even taking, while around him there was life, as other students partied, parties he was never invited too, a social life he couldn't talk his way into. There was people around him, there have always been people around him but no one was ever with him. It would have been nice to have someone there, just once.

At 3.42 a.m Reid body shakes and shivers, he heads out of his warm bed to close a window, pausing for a brief moment, wanting to see someone out there, but the street is completely empty apart from the reflections of a lonely man with dark smeared under his eyes.

Reid just couldn't turn his brain off, couldn't stop all his thoughts, all those painful memories that always resurface at three a.m sometimes being a genius was a blessing but now it was a curse, to remember everything at 3.44 a.m was his own personal hell.

Reid always slept better on the BAU jet than he did in his apartment, always felt safer. At 3.46 a.m Reid would give anything for a moment respite from this hell, for sleep.

At 3.49 a.m the phone rings. Hotch with an urgent case, apologetic yet stern. Reid felt like thanking him for the distraction but knew Hotch wouldn't quite understand so instead promises to be there asap.

At 3.55 a.m Morgan calls to offer him a lift to work. Reid almost wants to break down and tell him everything but refrains. He leaves his apartment at 3.59 a.m to wait outside, leaving behind his memories, his addictions.

At 4 a.m Reid knew everything would ok.

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* * *

At four a.m I finally went to sleep. This is for everyone who is up at three going insane, craving stuff. If I am up at three a.m I am usually craving either m&m's or sleep. Please read and review :) this is the last Criminal minds story I have planned for a while, as currently working on a supernatural story + returning to Uni soon. Then again might be awake at three a.m again with weird ideas. If you are one of my reviewers for wrong place, wrong time. I forgot to tell you THANK YOU for reviewing that story :):) have some internet cookies :)


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